One month of my new life

Over the past couple of weeks, a new pastime has helped me ignore my problems a little bit: board games. Again, the running theme of the past month has been that friends I've neglected while in my relationship have all gladly stepped up to help get me out of my rut. Which also meant that I've finally started going to the board game cafe that they've all been raving about for ages.

If you're wondering what the hell was stopping me from doing so while I was still in my relationship in the first place, you're spot on. Therein was the problem - in retrospect, it's hard to recall the last time he was happy to spend the weekend with my friends, or trying anything fun/new with me. 

Now my weekly visits to the board game place feature prominently on my Timeline photos, and I can't decide if I should be happy that I'm finally doing fun stuff with friends, or if I should feel lousy for being dumped and thus, being forced to trade my Friday night cuddles and Saturday morning brunch for this.

Saturday night which turned into Sunday morning saw me celebrating the fact that I've survived my first month of my new single life in a fairly clichéd manner. A couple of drinks, lots of loud music & dancing. Again, feeling rather conflicted about myself, I wondered if I should be enjoying the attention of the guys who were trying to dance with me, or if I should mourn the loss of having someone I knew I was going home safely with.
The one and last time I took him to a party, he played the role of the very steady guy who didn't seem to get tipsy no matter how much he drank. Which was nice. But an incident earlier that night made it very clear he never wanted to be seen giving me a kiss that could be defined as anything more than a peck in public, even if the public surrounding us was probably too drunk or too into their own thing to give a crap about what we were doing. 
So I guess feel good about myself, it is. 


After barely just sleeping it off, it was off to another night of beers and good music. But once again, it felt awkward to be without someone. While the rational side of me knows I would have been condemned to another quiet night alone after a boring day of bumming around with him had things been different, I still missed that feeling of companionship when I knew who my plus one would be for anything.

But Joachim Garraud's set definitely had me forgetting my problems for awhile.

That was, until later that evening, when I realised who was on stage with Redfoo.

In my mind, I was already going, "Ooh, this is awesome! I should take a picture and Whatsapp this to..." Wait a minute. We broke up. 

But of course he'd been the one who'd first introduced me to Quest Crew's awesome work years ago. Damn, why did I have to go there?

Away from home, again

Tip for the day: You're kidding yourself if you think you're completely above the feeling of "I can't go here, here and here because we used to go to these places a lot and there are just too many memories". The only thing you can control is how much you'll let those emotions control your new (and better) life. 

The one most surprising thing I experienced in the past couple of weeks is how not lonely I felt. In fact, I felt less lonely than I have been in the past couple of months.

It was encouraging to find so many friends step up from the sidelines to make sure I never felt alone. And it felt so surprisingly good to know that nobody needed to be asked; nothing needed to be said beyond, "We broke up." It felt good to know that there were people in this world who genuinely cared about me, and whose actions remind me that I'd been working way too hard to receive whatever little love I'd gotten from the one I'd thought was my best friend and partner for life.

Feels like family
I'd also been dreading coming back to work. The thought of being away from the safety net of family and friends that had softened the blow of the past couple of weeks was terrifying.
On my drive back, I'd decided that I wouldn't make a big deal out of it and not go crying to my close friends from the office.

That lasted until after lunch. 

I hadn't planned on how I'd answer questions like,"How was your holiday? Did you drive back with your boyfriend?"

Shit. For a moment, I was stymied, considering how I'd answer this. 

Oh, what the hell. Be completely honest about it, I guess.

So I answered that colleague's question. Mercifully, after assuring me that she would be there if I needed to talk, she must've informed the rest not to ask me about my trip back, or at least what role my boyfriend played in it. By Saturday, at yet another colleague's wedding, which was beautiful, tasteful, and had pastors' speeches that made me sure my relationship hadn't had what it takes to turn into a marriage, I was again mercifully spared from any "So when's your turn?" questions.

Over a cup of coffee and some buns, another colleague talked me into finally feeling better about myself and condemning him to the cold barren place that all lousy/cowardly/testicle-less ex-boyfriends go to metaphorically die.

So, I guess I'm not so alone here after all.

Dealing with it - with some help

Tip for the day: Don't wear eye makeup for the first few days following a breakup. It helps if you happen to be on leave from work and therefore, don't need to look and behave your best.

Despite the fact that I'm still hurting, feeling the sadness and the anger at things not working out, I'm feeling more and more certain that things will be fine and that there's no looking back.

For today, I'm experiencing the anger stage of grief. Anger at the fact that he wasn't the right person, anger at the fact that he wasn't the person I thought he was (hence all the fights that went something like "Why can't you do/say/think this, this and this?"), anger at the fact that I wasn't the right person for him (Hello, I'm like the most awesome person in the universe, how can I not be the sun, moon and stars to you? I didn't actually say that - but that's the kind of indignation that has been flaring up off and on today.)

It helps a lot to have friends or family around to listen to you rant, offer words of support, and distract you from your troubles.
Some hot chocolate lava cake helps, too.
When I'd finished cake and drinks with Gina, I'd only used half the small stack of napkins the waiter had so kindly left at our table when they brought the cakes - I was already teary shortly after we sat down. And by the time we were heading back to the car, it actually felt good to be 'back', with my ever faithful bestie assuring me that an ex-schoolmate was definitely chatting me up at the reunion last weekend when he kept asking me to tell him about this award I'd won but nobody outside my field of work (i.e. nobody around me that evening) gives a crap about.

It also helps that even the friends who are too busy to come spend the afternoon watching u cry keep your itchy texting thumbs busy - which also means his face (which still has that loving look that you'll never see from him again) no longer stares at you from the top of your Whatsapp chat list.

Here's to more adventures as a single woman.

The Realisation and the Pain

So here I am, another walking cliche. Another one in the many, another data point in the statistics.
Just another girl, experiencing the almost inevitable loss of her first love.

Why the heck am I writing about this? (More as a reminder to myself as I continue writing.)
Well, people write songs (and make loads of money while they're at it) to get over breakups.

I had a colleague who told me she repainterd her room for each major breakup she ever had. The walls of her room has, thus, changed colour 3 times.

This is the first time I'm going through one that was actually worth any pain and I'm still looking for my thing, which I hope I won't have to do too many times. So for now, I write. In hopes that I feel better, perhaps make someone else feel better, or at least entertained, in the process, too.

So as I work out the feelings, I'm gonna throw out a crap load of breakup cliches. So get ready.

Firstly, it seems like this breakup has been coming for awhile now. It's just taken me a long time to realise it, and a little while after that to accept it. I'd tell you that it's for the best and that time will heal this pain and all that crap. But the truth is, I just feel despair. How does one not despair when the man that was once a boy, who had been the object of my high school daydreams, my partner in our youthful mischief and then all the growing up that we've done in most of the past decade, my lover and friend, simply isn't in love with me anymore and vice versa? How does one not despair when you know you're looking into the eyes of someone you thought you would wake up next to every day for the rest of your life, and realise that it's not going to happen?

Let's get a little more out-there here and say this song is being played A LOT on local radio in the weeks leading up to this breakup, and it's been hard not to cry every time I heard it. Call it a sign, call it whatever you want - it just felt like I was constantly being reminded that things were ending, and it would be inevitable. 

And here's one last emo video that a close friend shared with me, and I, thankfully saw before I had that conversation. Can't say it fixed anything. And made it even more painful to think that the most important person in my life for such a long time would someday be a casual acquaintance. But there's some strange comfort in knowing that this is, to a certain extent, normal.

A few more vegetarian places

Here are a couple more places around Penang that I tried out during my very short time as a vegetarian.
I should point out, though, that this was a conscious effort to try and find places that offered vegetarian options, but were still as convenient as walking into any 'ol place in the mall, the way I normally would if I weren't confined to vegetarian food only.

At Gurney Plaza

We searched high and low (literally) for any place that offered vegetarian options.While I love, love, love Lily's Vegetarian Kitchen, their stall at the food court in the basement only has a fraction of the options available at their restaurant, and I'm not even sure if it's still there anymore.
Anyways,  I was pretty surprised at what a creature of habit I am. I wasn't even sure if the places I usually frequent had vegetarian options. So, we went through most of the places we thought were likely, and finally ended up all the way at the top floor. And ended up here...

It's your average noodle/fried rice/supposedly Hong Kong style joint, with the typically average-tasting food one has come to expect of places such as this. Nothing particularly remarkable about this one.

At Queensbay Mall

This was another stab in the dark. Accustomed to shopping until we're hungry then just sitting down for a quick meal before shopping some more, we didn't really want to spend too much time looking for a vegetarian joint. So we went for the first one we saw - at the Queens Food Market.

As with many makan places (vegetarian or otherwise), the menus always look so promising...
-Look how extensive the menu is! And OMG finally light pastas or salads? Such a refreshing change to the typical economy rice-style stuff most vegetarian places offer-

        and then your food arrives...

and you wonder why you didn't just go home and whip up an even more awesome version of what's on your plate right now in the first place. 

Or why you don't have Michelin stars yourself. 

*shakes head*

 Random Snack - I have no idea where Mum got this

BUT fret not...the packaging came with a bakery name and a phone number. 

Do note, I didn't do the ordering/buying or whatever, so I have no idea how that bit works,or what other baked goods they have. I just took it out of the fridge and walloped it.

Not exactly the most uh-may-zing cake ever. But if you're one (like myself) who is willing to spend the weekends hanging out at chic cafes, eating some of the crap, uh I mean "cakes" they serve and charge you a bomb for it because they're chic, then you shouldn't have a problem with this, because it's better than some of those. And considering it's vegetarian (ergo, no eggs and whatnot?), I'd say it's pretty awesome! :)

Doesn't anyone sleep in on weekends anymore?

As I write this, there's a host of blaring car horns going around my neighbourhood. I assume they're the kind that announce the arrival of a wedding party. A custom of a community I belong to, but don't really get sometimes.
I've also been up for more than three hours. It's Saturday morning, by the way. And I actually woke up earlier than I do to get to work most days.

Why?

Because there are people who don't seem to know how to appreciate the extra hour or two of sleep one can get on the weekends. Nooo.... instead, they type a million short, sometimes one-word, and unnecessary messages and send, send, send to the Whatsapp group that I have been included in, discussing lunch plans for today.
Why is it the rest of the world doesn't seem to understand that adding an entire series of short, irrelevant and unnecessary crap along with plausibly necessary messages at odd hours is just...rude! You're making a whole bunch of peoples' phones bleep a million unnecessary times.

Lol! 
Okie!
Hey
:p
Zzzzzzz
Haha

Okie going back to sleep now.

Well screw you! Thanks for waking the rest of us up to tell us that!!!!!! 

Journey 2 Life

I was a vegetarian. For about a week. It was easier than I had expected, and by the end of the week, I considered becoming one for good. Needless to say I'm back to my omnivorous ways. Ah, the mention of the word omnivore reminds me of another story...which I should probably write about separately to avoid digressing too far.

Anyways, at the very least, it afforded me the opportunity to seek out a few more vegetarian food places around Penang, aside from the usual ones.

I found this particular one on a Google search. It's at Bay Avenue which, if you're not one who remembers the names of places and roads like myself, is down the street from Queensbay Mall, in the cluster of shops and offices where Berlin's Bier Houz is, not HSBC. 

The menu was pretty normal for any typical restaurant like this, with only one difference: the absence of meat, of course. Rice sets, steaks (that were actually mushroom - what a wonderful alternative to the whatever thing most meat-replacements in vegetarian dishes are made of) and tempting desserts - it really almost felt like any other restaurant.

My only complaint about the menu was that there was an additional pamphlet thingy, which the waitress who very kindly doubled up as translator explained were new dishes, was completely written in Chinese, unlike the actual menu which had an English translation. 

If there's one thing I'd totally recommend from the menu, it would be the hedgehog mushroom rice set. Yum!

And as always, I don't have a photo of this. Here's the thing: I, and all the people I surround myself with, love our food. Our food is typically the focus of our meals. Not photos of the food. 

Another shining example of how stopping to take pictures of our food  before we dig in  does not come naturally to us. The sushi was delicious, though. Cucumber, carrots, cheese, and I think...very thin bits of bread.

Anyways, the details of the place, which I remembered to take down, for once:
Journey 2 Life
C-3-1 Lorong Bayan Indah 3
Bay Avenue, 11900 Bayan Lepas
Penang
+604-6111184
Open 11.30am-10pm, Tuesdays to Sundays