Join the self-loathing club!

"So what is it you hope to achieve by joining the gym?" the membership sales guy asks.

M and I look uncertainly at each other. 

"Umm...nothing?" M ventures.

"What?!" he looks incredulous - as if nobody who joins the gym ever has weight loss goals that are anything less than The Biggest Loser proportions.

"Just to stay healthy lah!" I say, a little bit annoyed by the seemingly stupid and useless question. Why does a gym need to know that on my bloody application form which the stupid fella isn't letting us fill in ourselves, but is filling it in for us by playing 20 bloody questions with us instead? 

More importantly, why does it seem like this guy has never met someone who loves their own body and is at peace with themselves? Okay, let me clarify that a little bit. I obviously wish I were a little less jiggly in all the usual places, and a little more jiggly at the one or two more where it counts.

But judging from the way he seems so horrified, he either tries to sell memberships by making you feel bad about your body, or is just so used to being surrounded by people who do.

A couple of my new colleagues appear to be the norm that he's exposed to -and are probably people he successfully sold memberships to. Or at least, his colleagues did since they do go to this gym.

One of them is this very petite girl with perfect porcelain skin that has a rosy glow. Yet every time you talk to her, the fact that she thinks "she's so fat" and "hates her fat face" comes up. EVERY TIME.
Another one obsesses over her flabby arms while her friend constantly shows off her toned arms but constantly hates on her thighs. I once overheard a conversation between the two of them where one said "You know no matter how late I get home, even if it's like 12am and I'm damn tired, I still do a couple of squats before bed." WTF? Get home late, sleep liao lah! Or, you know, do something that will help wind down. 

Anyways, we finally got through the the process of signing up for our 7 day pass. Yes! All that just for a bloody 7 day trial that we were supposedly already entitled to according to some freebie card they hand out. Children, this is like seeing a house made of candy.
By then, we're exhausted and just want to go home. That was Day 1 of the pass.

On Day 2 we went for some yoga class which was pretty okay except for the fact that they seem to not only not have air-conditioning but instead it almost feels as if the room is heated. And no, it wasn't supposed to be that kind of yoga that's supposed to be in a heated room, whatever that's called. Anyways, the class was pretty enjoyable right up until the last bit, savasana. This bit typically entails lying on your back and freeing your mind - sort of meditation-like. Except that I'd been working out under a lamp. And the lights were turned off for this portion. And all I could think about was how creepy the instructor sounded as she talked us through it, and how I was going to prevent my eyes from hurting when the lights came back on.
Also, the floor was kind of pulsating with the music coming from the rest of the gym just outside the door.

The next day, we both had after-work plans.

On Day 4, I had a shit load of work to do but wanted to try out the Pilates class. I eventually managed to tear myself away from my desk just a couple of minutes before the class was due to start.
When M and I finally got in, we saw everyone by their mats, so we figured we'd just made it in time - the class hadn't started yet. We roll out our mats and stand around for a minute like everyone else, who hasn't said anything. And then this woman, presumably the instructor, comes in with a bunch of Pilates rings and obviously we head over to take one for ourselves. She doesn't say anything at first even though she's seen us and then as I'm about to get one, she says, "Oh actually we don't have enough." So I look at her thinking, "So, why are you just standing there? Aren't you going to go get some more?"
Next thing I know she's saying quite loudly so that everyone can hear, in this high and mighty voice,"I don't normally allow people to come in to my class any later than 10 minutes." Again, I look at her wondering where she's going with this and thinking, "So? Has your class even actually started? Or are you stiffing all these people by making them stand around while you get the Pilates rings IN THE MIDDLE of your class?"
"So, I'm afraid you can't join my class," she says, not at all in a very nice way.
Okay lor. M and I roll up our mats and head out.
Stuff it bitch. I don't need to leave my hectic day at work to dance to your stupid little tune. Coming to the gym was supposed to help me stretch out and relieve me of my stress, not give me another deadline to meet.
Okay, to be fair, I totally know these things take some discipline. But she was just not nice about it at all.

After that, I just said screw the gym, and their bloody stupid 7 day pass which is really just ruse to get your contact information for them to spam you. I don't need this attitude from anyone. To be fair, that doesn't necessarily apply to all gyms. Just this particularly stupid one.
I've since gone back to dancing. Yes, I finally found a class! Yay!
More about that next time.