Woman on Top

I always knew it existed out there in the big, bad world. But being in a girls' school kind of shields you from it for the first 17 years of your life. Especially if you've got no brothers. When you're also already a minority in a school where the existing policies ensure there are fair opportunities for girls, it also didn't seem that apparent to me.
But now, for the first time ever, I'm starting to feel what it's like to be in a situation where, whether the people doing so realise it or not, I'm being given less respect due to my gender. It hasn't happened in awhile, I think - this having a woman at the top of the ladder in this particular society.
I'll admit that perhaps my leadership skills are not infallible. Of course there's room to grow. But it doesn't excuse blatant disregard for my say in decision making, not bothering to show up on time for meetings I organize but expect me to be early for the less important ones they do, treating me like I'm just someone to do their bidding for them. As much as I'm aware of my own shortcomings, I cannot help but be quite convinced that such behaviour is just misogyny. Why? Well, my predecessor was even more disagreeable to all of us than I am. Back when I was their equal, I was included in decision-making, and while there were already some vestiges of sexist behaviour, it was not so obvious. And as much as they disrespected and didn't like the previous guy, they didn't dare climb over his head, and act as if they were the ones who got to call the shots.
Such chauvinistic behaviours really outrage me. So many wrongs in the world I wish I could make right: animal abuse, child neglect, poverty, education...well this is on the list, too.
And the most frustrating part is I'm not too sure how to deal with it. And by deal with it I mean desiccate the stupid little sausage-ego-fest and pound them to dust.
On one hand, I could easily shrug and say "Well, you losers are still going to be here, while I've graduated and moved on. Happy screwing yourselves over with your shitty attitudes." But then, I realised this won't be the last time I'll encounter this. If anything, the next time I'm put in such a situation, the stakes would be a lot higher. So yes, I'm still thinking of ways to crush their little boy-egos.

In the meantime, some interesting stuff I found when googling this issue:
http://blog.monicaobrien.com/deal-with-sexism-in-the-workplace/
http://www.newsweek.com/2010/03/18/are-we-there-yet.html
http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/key-debates/sexism-in-the-workplace-returns-d18004.html

The confession

The Confession: The typical peak of a love story where one confesses their love for the other. To be used wisely at the appropriate point of the relationship.
In a Relationship: The relationship status used to indicate you are, in archaic terms, going steady.

In reality, people often misuse The Confession and the idea of being in a relationship. It was a strange realization I recently had. Someone asked me how many relationships I'd been in and how long each had lasted. Of all my high school misadventures, I realized, I had only one proper relationship. The other two who are often referred to as my exes by most people who had witnessed those relationships growing exponentially only to quickly crash and burn, I'd consider as people who had misused The Confession. The rest had even more grossly misused the confession and had just scared me right off.

Here's the thing about many people I see around me. Almost everybody seems to be looking for love. To draw a How I Met Your Mother analogy, they're all Teds and by comparison, I'm a friggin Barney! Incredulous? Yes, anyone reading this who knows me personally might have fallen off their chair and possibly died of asphyxiation because they can't stop laughing long enough to breathe.
So, it's a lovely world to be in, isn't it? There are no sluts/tramps/man-whores to be found anywhere and everybody wants to find a serious long-haul relationship. How sweet.
Not.

I know a girl whom everyone considers such a sweet innocent darling. Nobody could ever possibly even imagine her being anything but angelic. She's only just slept with everyone she's ever dated. And she hasn't gone long between relationships since she was 16. But of course she's sweet and innocent, she's only ever slept with guys she thinks she really loves and wants to marry and have kids and grow old with. And she only breaks up with them when they're no longer conveniently in the same place as her and therefore no longer conveniently available to satisfy any cravings.


Girl likes guy; gives him The Confession. Guy freaks out, says no. Then he realises he wants to get to know her. She's nice, and he kind of likes her. He's just not really all that sure he wants to be in a committed relationship. But to even just go out with her, it's going to take a counter-confession. And to make up for initially saying no, he throws in the L word for good measure. She freaks out and wants to run away.

This heartbreaker didn't mind getting to know guys who showed an interest. Didn't mind going on a date or two. When things go too far and you're not ready, you say no and you stop. She earned a reputation for being a tease and a flirt and is immortally known by friends of one of her exes (some of whom are now her close friends), as the girl who stomped on *insert his name here*'s heart.

So here's what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to judge anyone. Everyone's entitled to live their life according to their own ideals, moral standards and opinions. But let's be a bit more honest about the facts. People are overlooking the idea of a date. Just the thrill of being into someone and having that someone show interest in you, too. You go out to dinner, watch a movie, wonder if you should hold hands. You talk to each other and see each other, discover foibles and idiosyncrasies after which if you still find them endearing, might consider talking about editing your relationship status.

Why insist that you love someone you barely know and call yourselves a couple, even if you know you're not there yet? Why does the negative label to go the one who dares to say no instead of the one who really just likes getting busy but calls it something it's not.

Creepy

I hate to think that my outlook is anything but cosmopolitan. But there's this guy whose somewhat extreme 'chivalry' that creeps me out. At first all the foreign post graduate students in my lab seemed pretty unfriendly. But after a couple of months, I've gotten pretty used to them and most of them are pretty nice. But then just before the break last week, I met this other guy. He isn't from my lab but is buddies with one of those in my lab. He's kinda cute but hell creepy.

It started the last Friday before the break. I was alone in the lab. And suddenly this guy walks in to get some super pure water thingy that's dispensed in my lab. While I'm busy trying to take my samples at regular time intervals, he decides to introduce himself to me and keeps talking and talking about what he does at the school bla bla bla. He gives me his card and tells me to call him if I ever have any questions or need any help. Even asks to add me on Facebook, and of course I tell him I"ll add him since he's given me his card. Here's this postgraduate fella trying to be nice and helpful to undergrads. Who am I to burn that bridge? But this was definitely making me feel a bit crowded. He even kept talking while I was trying to concentrate on my experiment. Anyways after a little while he leaves. And I thought I was finally rid of him.

I was. Until about 2 hours later. I'd just finished my analysis in the instrument room and was on my way back to the lab when who should walk out of one of the doorways just around the corner? Him!!! Agh! It's 5pm on the last day before a break. There's no one else around and I'm stuck with him! He follows me all the way to the lab, talking talking talking... saying stuff like "You're still here! You shouldn't be working. Your lecturer should. Pretty girl like you shouldn't be working so hard." Ick. Then as I'm cleaning up he stands there watching me, talking, asking me about myself. Urgh!!! At one point I actually said he didn't have to wait for me. But he did. So I quickly dumped everything into my locker without washing and wanted to get out of there as quick as possible. He waited until I was done, turned off the lights and all and locked the door for me. While it can be interpreted as just niceness...it was just damn creepy. He even walked me all the way downstairs. *shudder*

The other day he came in while another male friend was with me in the lab. He didn't say a word to me. But the next day when I was alone, he proceeded to talk to me again even when it was apparent that I was really damn busy with my experiment. This time I knew better. I made as little eye contact as possible and gave really short distracted answers.

I know in some ways I sound like I'm unappreciative of gentlemanly behaviour. But really, you just had to be there to get what I mean.