One month of my new life

Over the past couple of weeks, a new pastime has helped me ignore my problems a little bit: board games. Again, the running theme of the past month has been that friends I've neglected while in my relationship have all gladly stepped up to help get me out of my rut. Which also meant that I've finally started going to the board game cafe that they've all been raving about for ages.

If you're wondering what the hell was stopping me from doing so while I was still in my relationship in the first place, you're spot on. Therein was the problem - in retrospect, it's hard to recall the last time he was happy to spend the weekend with my friends, or trying anything fun/new with me. 

Now my weekly visits to the board game place feature prominently on my Timeline photos, and I can't decide if I should be happy that I'm finally doing fun stuff with friends, or if I should feel lousy for being dumped and thus, being forced to trade my Friday night cuddles and Saturday morning brunch for this.

Saturday night which turned into Sunday morning saw me celebrating the fact that I've survived my first month of my new single life in a fairly clichéd manner. A couple of drinks, lots of loud music & dancing. Again, feeling rather conflicted about myself, I wondered if I should be enjoying the attention of the guys who were trying to dance with me, or if I should mourn the loss of having someone I knew I was going home safely with.
The one and last time I took him to a party, he played the role of the very steady guy who didn't seem to get tipsy no matter how much he drank. Which was nice. But an incident earlier that night made it very clear he never wanted to be seen giving me a kiss that could be defined as anything more than a peck in public, even if the public surrounding us was probably too drunk or too into their own thing to give a crap about what we were doing. 
So I guess feel good about myself, it is. 


After barely just sleeping it off, it was off to another night of beers and good music. But once again, it felt awkward to be without someone. While the rational side of me knows I would have been condemned to another quiet night alone after a boring day of bumming around with him had things been different, I still missed that feeling of companionship when I knew who my plus one would be for anything.

But Joachim Garraud's set definitely had me forgetting my problems for awhile.

That was, until later that evening, when I realised who was on stage with Redfoo.

In my mind, I was already going, "Ooh, this is awesome! I should take a picture and Whatsapp this to..." Wait a minute. We broke up. 

But of course he'd been the one who'd first introduced me to Quest Crew's awesome work years ago. Damn, why did I have to go there?

Away from home, again

Tip for the day: You're kidding yourself if you think you're completely above the feeling of "I can't go here, here and here because we used to go to these places a lot and there are just too many memories". The only thing you can control is how much you'll let those emotions control your new (and better) life. 

The one most surprising thing I experienced in the past couple of weeks is how not lonely I felt. In fact, I felt less lonely than I have been in the past couple of months.

It was encouraging to find so many friends step up from the sidelines to make sure I never felt alone. And it felt so surprisingly good to know that nobody needed to be asked; nothing needed to be said beyond, "We broke up." It felt good to know that there were people in this world who genuinely cared about me, and whose actions remind me that I'd been working way too hard to receive whatever little love I'd gotten from the one I'd thought was my best friend and partner for life.

Feels like family
I'd also been dreading coming back to work. The thought of being away from the safety net of family and friends that had softened the blow of the past couple of weeks was terrifying.
On my drive back, I'd decided that I wouldn't make a big deal out of it and not go crying to my close friends from the office.

That lasted until after lunch. 

I hadn't planned on how I'd answer questions like,"How was your holiday? Did you drive back with your boyfriend?"

Shit. For a moment, I was stymied, considering how I'd answer this. 

Oh, what the hell. Be completely honest about it, I guess.

So I answered that colleague's question. Mercifully, after assuring me that she would be there if I needed to talk, she must've informed the rest not to ask me about my trip back, or at least what role my boyfriend played in it. By Saturday, at yet another colleague's wedding, which was beautiful, tasteful, and had pastors' speeches that made me sure my relationship hadn't had what it takes to turn into a marriage, I was again mercifully spared from any "So when's your turn?" questions.

Over a cup of coffee and some buns, another colleague talked me into finally feeling better about myself and condemning him to the cold barren place that all lousy/cowardly/testicle-less ex-boyfriends go to metaphorically die.

So, I guess I'm not so alone here after all.