remind me again?

When secondary school finally finished, I was so relieved to be finally rid of that school and social circle that I felt I never really fit in well with anyway. After that, I met the group of friends I really think I belong with and I've never had a doubt that keeping up with my friends from school was unnecessary. If anything, the few times I did meet up with them after that felt awkward and uncomfortable. I'd run out of things to say to them and many of them were still so close, most of the time the conversations were the middle of a story except that I hadn't been keeping up with them and therefore didn't know the beginning. I'd also usually be texting my new bff, telling her what an awful time I'm having. After awhile, I just kept making excuses not to meet up. Awhile after that, they stopped trying to call.

But then, there's always Facebook - the place where we 'keep in touch' with the people we see everyday and even those people we've probably only met once through a friend of a friend. Albums full of photos similar to those I have of me and them before I was 18 are up on Facebook with only one difference: I'm not in these newer photos. Oh yeah did I mention some of them put up our old photos, too. Except that I kept untagging them because the annoying updates that say 'so and so' (usually someome I'm not interested in knowing anymore) commented on a photo of you. Anyway, I occasionally get this odd feeling. Why on earth do all of them still get along so well? why don't I want to hang on to that large chunk of my past? I always feel this awkward in-between-ness when I think about it. On one hand I feel like I've been letting go and trying to forget a huge part of myself. After all, I've known most of these people longer than any of my other friends. But then again, I remember how it always felt to uncomfortable having to spend so much time and share so much with these people who were my friends only out of convenience. I never really understood or trusted them all that much.

To finally sort it out with myself once and for all, I finally decided to do something about it. There were those I knew I never wanted to see again, ever. And there were those who were okay. I decided I'd dip my toe into this pool and see if there was anything worth remembering or growing. At least, if not, I'd be reminded why I thought leaving them all behind was a good idea. And so, I'm going to lunch with them. I really hope it doesn't suck. At least I know the place we're having lunch at is pretty cool.